blog
on this page, there will be mentions of mental health issues and substance abuse that may be triggering. it's also sort of a diary.
this is not a self-improvement blog.
entries
august 13 2026 / thursday 
I've decided that I'm wiping all past entries and starting fresh on this page. I don't want to be so open about my health issues anymore, even if I can't help my physical state. I have been improving! It's just kinda too personal for me and I don't like being vulnerable. Also I don't think anyone is really interested in reading about disgusting stuff. I will still talk about my mental health and mental state but not in a super detailed and in-depth way.
august 15 2026 / saturday
Idk why the fuck or how the fuck but I HAD THE WORST MIGRAINE OF MY LIFE TODAY. I have chronic migraines so it's not like I'm not used to them but this was a whole different beast. Glad it went away though but I still feel irritable and my eyes feel so tired and heavy. Sometimes i have like random horrible aches in my head too. I couldn't keep food down until the afternoon. Had to wear sunglasses until then too.
I still went to see my granny because she's not doing well and we think her time is coming very soon... Couldn't miss out on seeing her. I went shopping after and got some new clothes :) fun!!! I still need more warm clothes but it'll do for now since it's still hot and probably won't get cold for a while...
I've decided I need to dedicate myself to diet and exercise. I've let myself go for far too long. I have a hard time losing weight but I need to believe I can do it so I feel motivated.
I'm getting a Filofax for Christmas so I can use that to organize myself and track my caloric/nutrient intake and workout habits. I plan on walking 10k steps Monday through Friday every week while holding 3lb weights. I believe I can do this! I never wanted to be super toned or anything but I wanna be relatively toned, you know? It would also make me feel better so...
But anyway, those are my thoughts for the day... I hope somebody enjoys reading this lol.
september 2 2026 / wednesday
Yeah so. Depression hit me like a truck. I haven't had motivation to do anything. I'm kinda suicidal rn.
Aside from that, I have an ovarian cyst. So that's fun. Might have endometriosis too.
I've been skipping class because of my depression but I'm trying to get myself together. I haven't been working on the site recently, but maybe if I start working on it again I can feel better.
The brain fog is awful. I've been scared to drive because I don't want to get into a wreck because of it. I'm usually alert once I get on the road though. I did move my car today and backed up into my neighbor's mailbox. Nice job.
His mailbox is fine. My car is fucked up though. Whatever. I don't care about anything anymore. I kinda don't think I'm gonna make it to 25 or even 23.
If my car ever gets completely trashed, I don't want my parents to pay for anything. I'll just end my life so it won't matter anyway.